How to Cope With Your Child's Diagnosis

How to Cope With Your Child's Big Medical Diagnosis

( Survival Tips)

So, your child was just given a huge, terrifying medical diagnosis. You have just joined the club no one wants to join. If you’re feeling like you just got hit by a freight train, or maybe you’re wondering if this is all some kind of nightmare, you’re not alone. The world feels like it’s been flipped upside down, but you’ll survive this. I have been through it and with each new diagnosis for my son it never gets any easier. Here’s how I have learned to cope with the chaos of a big diagnosis:

1. Allow Yourself to Feel... All the Things

When the doctor drops the diagnosis, you are going to feel a lot. And I mean a lot. Emotions will come in waves, and they might include shock, fear, frustration, guilt, and possibly an overwhelming urge to eat an entire chocolate cake or for some drink an entire bottle of wine. Guess what? That’s normal.

Dr. Susan Pollack, a psychologist and author, says it’s crucial to let yourself feel all those emotions instead of bottling them up. I am not a robot, you are not a robot, and you don’t have to be “strong” all of the time. So go ahead, cry in the car, scream into a pillow, or just sit there in a daze for a while. It’s okay.

Pro Tip: Find a therapist or a friend who’s not afraid to let you fall apart for a bit.

2. Google Everything (But Don’t Dive Too Deep)

You’re going to want to Google everything about the diagnosis. Trust me, we’ve all been there. But let’s be real: Google is a black hole. It will suck you into an endless, terrifying pit where everyone seems to be definitely dying tomorrow. So, yes, read up—but with a grain of salt. Stick to reputable sources like medical websites, and avoid forums at 3 a.m. where everyone’s sure they have the “worst case scenario” covered.

Ask your doctor every question that pops into your head. All of them. I never manage to think of everything I want to know on the spot. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I usually sit in a daze and everything the doctor tells me hangs around me like a thick morning fog until I can get home and really process. It is at that time I usually make my way to google and start researching. I can't help it. Take notes on your phone or on a note pad of any questions you might have. If there is a specific study you want to reference, note it. Most providers will have a patient portal. I have been known to send my questions to the patient portal all at once and even ask for a follow-up appointment to get more details. As the parent it is your right to be informed and most doctors or even care managers will be happy to help you navigate the diagnosis and filter through what you might find googling.

Pro Tip: Write your questions down so you don’t forget them, and don’t feel like you need to understand everything at once. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was your kid’s diagnosis.

3. Build Your Support Team (The Good Kind)

Now’s the time to assemble your dream team. You need the people who won’t tell you to “just stay positive” or give you unsolicited advice on how to “manage your stress.” No, you need people who will show up with food (not just granola bars), bring your kid over for a playdate so you can shower in peace, and just generally help you survive. Family, friends, and professional support—get them on speed dial. I still struggle with this. I have no family near by and rely heavily on community support.

The American Academy of Pediatrics says having a solid support system is crucial for parents of kids with serious health issues. You want people who will listen, help, and maybe occasionally let you vent without offering solutions to problems you didn’t ask for.

Pro Tip: If someone offers to “help,” ask them to bring coffee or maybe just be an emotional punching bag. Both are equally helpful.

4. Take Care of Yourself (Yes, You Have to)

You’re probably thinking, “How can I take care of myself when my kid is sick?” Well, here’s the deal: You can’t help anyone if you’re running on empty. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’re not going to be able to help your kid or anyone else. The National Institute of Mental Health reminds us that stress can take a huge toll on our bodies. I have learned this the hard way.

So, yes, eat, sleep, and take breaks when you can. Even if it feels selfish. Because you’re not going to be much help to your kid if you’re exhausted, stressed, and hangry. Reading, crafting, and taking a long bath are my go-to techniques even if it is when everyone is in bed. I have to take a moment to myself or my body suffers the consequences.

Pro Tip: Aim for at least a few hours of sleep (even if it’s broken up into five-minute increments) and try eating something that isn’t just coffee and chocolate. I say this when I am on my 3rd cup of coffee at 8 am on a Sunday.

5. Stay Hopeful, But Be Realistic

Here’s the thing: It’s great to stay hopeful, but let’s not kid ourselves. This is a tough situation. You can absolutely be optimistic, but also prepare for the fact that it’s going to be hard. Optimism and realism are the perfect combo. You can believe in the best outcomes while also acknowledging that there may be some rough days ahead.

Studies show that parents who balance hope with reality do better emotionally. So don’t pretend everything’s sunshine and rainbows—but also celebrate the small victories, because sometimes those are all you’ve got.

Pro Tip: If your kid manages to get through a treatment without throwing up—celebrate that. It's a victory, no matter how small it seems. I get excited when my kid manages to eat all of something.

6. Stay Involved, But Don’t Try to Become a Medical Expert

You’re going to want to be involved in every single decision. That’s natural. But here’s the thing: You can’t possibly be an expert on your child’s condition overnight. Leave some of that to the professionals (they actually went to school for this stuff). Be informed and be ready to advocate for you child when they need it.

The Family Caregiver Alliance suggests keeping detailed records of your child’s treatment, symptoms, and appointments. Sure, it sounds a little tedious, but keeping a log will help you stay organized and ensure nothing slips through the cracks.

Pro Tip: If you can’t pronounce half of the medical terms they throw at you, don’t stress. Just smile, nod, and Google it later. You’ll figure it out.

7. Seek Professional Help (Seriously, Do It)

Okay, so therapy isn’t just for people who have a “serious problem”—therapy is for everyone dealing with overwhelming situations. And let’s be honest: Dealing with your child’s medical condition qualifies. Getting professional support isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign that you know how to take care of yourself so you can be the best parent possible.

The American Psychological Association (APA) says that therapy can help you cope with the emotional strain of caregiving. So go ahead, schedule that appointment. You’re not weak for needing help. You’re smart for seeking it.

Pro Tip: If you find yourself sobbing in the grocery store, maybe it’s time to talk to a therapist. They’ll help you sort through your feelings and keep your grocery list intact.

Conclusion

So, here’s the bottom line: Coping with a major medical diagnosis for your child is going to be hard. There will be tough days, emotional breakdowns, and a few well-meaning people who will say the most frustrating things. (I will link a post about this later) But if you take it one day at a time, lean on your support system, and take care of yourself (even if that means hiding in the bathroom for five minutes of peace), you’ll get through this.

Sources:

• Pollack, S. S. (2020). Emotional Health and Coping with Illness

• American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). (2020). Pediatric Care During Chronic Illness.

• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). (2019). Mental Health and Stress Management in Caregivers.

• Family Caregiver Alliance (2021). Managing Care for Children with Complex Medical Needs.

• Pediatrics (2017). Parental Resilience and Coping Mechanisms during Serious Childhood Illness.

• American Psychological Association (APA). (2022). Coping with Stress and Family Illness.